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"Because what aroused you 5, 10, 20, 25 years ago is not going to be arousing today.
It requires a lot of hard work, and sometimes it can be incredibly emotionally painful and difficult to navigate those waters.
"There are lots of reasons why people experience low desire, and in my practice I'd say it's equally split between low-desire men and low-desire women." Carolyn,* 46, married a man who didn't believe in using birth control to prevent pregnancy and only wanted to have sex to get her pregnant.
"Months would go by; it was kind of a struggle," she recalls.
Together for 12 years and married for 9, he describes having a vibrant sex life—in both frequency and variety—with his wife while they were dating. It's easy to believe that every other couple is getting it on more than you are, and that if you're not hitting the sheets twice a week there's something wrong.But the reality is that almost 20% of married people haven't had sex in the past year, according to Indiana University's National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior. We spoke to experts and real people to find out what sexless marriages look like.For them, periods of sexual inactivity have lasted anywhere from 1 to 6 months. It's sad but true: If sex isn't happening in a marriage, people often assume it's because the man is cheating, says Brenda A. "But that really is a myth." It's certainly not true for Adam.Despite the difficulties negotiating their sex life, there's no infidelity in their marriage.