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Dating app and site Zoosk did a little research on their users and happened upon an interesting truth: 87% of good-looking guys with compelling profiles were striking out with women because they were sending the same generic message to multiple people.We all know when we’re getting a boilerplate email from a company that wants our business, and similarly, people can sniff out a little Control C/Control V action just as easily.Be authentic, and hone in one thing she said in her profile that really resonated with you or a picture of a place that you’ve visited (or plan to), and build a fun, friendly, pithy first message around that.“Brevity is the soul of wit”—so said Polonius in Hamlet, and, if Shakespeare were checking over your Ok Cupid messages for you, he’d telleth thee the same thing.Some people we polled—especially women—don’t take kindly to initial messages that center on their body. “If the first thing a guy says to me is directed at my boobs, I assume that’s all he’s interested in.No thank you, sir.” A much better approach is to focus in on your shared interests and ask her questions that will give you insight into her personality.
” is highly unlikely to intrigue her, going the other way and composing a very long and detailed message isn’t much better.According to Em, “When you dive right in and start a conversation, people are more likely to respond.If someone messages you first, try to message her back as soon as you can.From this, the folks at Zoosk concluded that while copying and pasting the same message to multiple women may seem like a good way to save time, it “Hey is for horses.” Ever hear that quip from a grandparent when they overheard you using this most casual of salutations?Well, it’s just as likely to provoke the ire of someone you’re interested on going on a date with as it did with grandpa.
Based on my conversations with a professional dating adviser and several female friends who are users of a dating app, it’s clear that a sloppy barrage of messages can undo all the work you put into your profile in almost no time.